Relationships
From the moment we are born, we make connections with people for many different reasons. We connect through common interests, mutual friends, proximity, familiar demographics, and overall time spent with someone.
Relationships come and go. Many people want to know what makes a good friendship or any kind of relationship healthy and lasting. First, what are some common relationship red flags? What is required to create a healthy bond with another person in any form of relationship?
Why Do Relationships Fail?
- Lack of trust / loyalty
- No communication
- Change (moving, career shifts, change of interests)
- Difference in opinion / values / morals
- Toxicity
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
—Proverbs 18:24
In any kind of relationship, whether with family or friends, we can easily be blinded to the red flags. Our lives are filled with seasons. We may need to shift who we associate with based upon the season that we are in.
Relationships are meant to be a blessing! God created them to show us His love. Unfortunately, humans are imperfect; therefore, we do not love perfectly. Sometimes the very people that were meant to show us love are the people that hurt us the most.
Are You in a Toxic Relationship?
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uneasy or even threatened? Have you ever stepped away from a conversation wrapped in a cloud of negativity? Do you have friends or family that constantly pull you into their drama?
A few signs of a toxic relationship include:
- One-sided, all take and no give
- Draining
- Disloyalty
- Negative energy
- Constant drama
- Disrespect
- Challenging and undermining
We all have a bad day now and then, but that’s when we need people in our lives that will encourage us and remind us who God created us to be. Our hearts desire to be surrounded by people that demonstrate love, positivity, and hope. These people help us to become the best versions of ourselves. Hopefully, we are this kind of person for others too.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
—Elbert Hubbard
Relationship, Not Religion
Christianity is not about religion but about pursuing a relationship with God. He created humans to be relational beings. The very first relationship Adam had was with God, then God created Eve. God desires for us to be connected
to Him and to others.
God Wants a Relationship with You.
Jesus wants you to come to Him just as you are and to spend quality time with Him. There is nothing that can pull you away from the love of God. Through the blood of Jesus Christ, we are given a chance to have a relationship with God and to help others do the same.
As carriers of Christ, it is beneficial to have relationships with others
who are pursuing their relationship with God as well.
Michelle Hanna was lost, but through losing her home and losing her family, God was there. Through Michelle’s recovery, her daughter introduced her to the person who is now one of her best friends, someone who encourages growth in her walk with Christ. Gail invited her to church, got her connected, and listened to what Michelle had to say. Trust was built, and a beautiful friendship was born. This is what God intended for relationships—for them to provide encouragement, support, and to be examples of His love. (https://www.faithlifechurch.org/michelle-hanna)
What Characterizes a Good Relationship?
- Mutual respect
- Trust
- Honesty
- Support
- Communication
- Fair conflict resolution
“Who you hang around determines where you are going.”
—Gary Keesee
Oftentimes Christians take on friends to minister to them and take on false responsibility. Instead, we should be hanging around people who are where we want to be in life. Who you allow to influence your life will affect your destination. Being around people who drag you along and do not bring out the best in you should be reconsidered. Toxic relationships distract you from the course of your destiny.
The apostle Paul urged us to, “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2, KJV). A more modern translation says it like this, “Shoulder each other’s burdens, and then you will live as the law of the Anointed teaches us” (Galatians 6:2, VOICE).
In other words, we need each other. We’re not called to be lone rangers. Don’t take the verse out of context. Paul continues by saying that we need to carry our own burdens too. We are supposed to take responsibility for our own actions, but life happens. Trouble comes. We are not less than humans if we need a helping hand, a listening ear, or a reminder hug.
When life hurts, it’s hard to admit our needs, whether emotional or physical (food, money, shelter). As Americans, we are taught to be independent. Asking for help, in our minds, appears weak.
It’s not! It’s the exact opposite!!!
When we admit the load, we’re bearing is too heavy, we give others an opportunity to fulfill the law of Christ! We give them an opportunity to see us, help us, and show Jesus to us! It will require us to be vulnerable and take a risk. But there is a joy of connectivity that comes when we choose to trust the safe people God placed in our lives.
Relationships are meant to be a tremendous blessing in our lives. Unfortunately, they can also be one of the most challenging parts of life. Nevertheless, God is always with us. He wants what is best for us in every area of our lives—including the people who are in our lives. May we become the type of friends that we want to have in our lives!
Take some time to appreciate the good relationships in your life. Be intentional in thanking those who have walked with you through the storms of life, supported you, sustained you, and shouldered the burden alongside you.
