How Does Marriage Work?
Marriage was God’s idea, not man’s. According to a recent study, 63% of couples live together without getting married, and 33% of them never marry. Our culture, today, is abandoning marriage. Marriage was designed as an example of the relationship between the church and Christ.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created him; male and female he created them.
—Genesis 1:26-27 (ESV)
God gave Adam a suitable helper in Eve. They were uniquely different with different strengths and weaknesses. Marriage is the union of one man and one woman. Through physical intimacy, the two individuals become one flesh.
How Does Marriage Work?
In today’s culture, many men chase after money or run away from the responsibilities that come with marriage and having a family. Unfortunately, this creates an open door for the enemy to bring division and corrupt the good thing God designed.
Here are some keys to a healthy marriage:
1. Speak Their Language.
At the beginning of a marriage, also known as the honeymoon phase, couples enjoy everything about their spouse because everything is “new.” Over time, the newness fades. The longer they spend time together, the more they begin to pick apart their personalities and point out their flaws. Oftentimes, this can lead to strife in the relationship.
Strife in marriage (and relationships in general) is most often caused by miscommunication. When the wife criticizes or complains, it is because she wants to fix the relationship. She doesn’t see it as a personal attack but a desire to work on the relationship. Her heart rate stays the same while her husband’s heart rate rapidly increases. He sees her approach as disrespectful. This leads him to withdraw and disconnect from the situation.
Men filter life through respect.
- Men often get quiet in an argument.
- Men would rather have wives that respect them and don’t love them than wives that love them and don’t respect them.
- Men are headline focused. They like things to get straight to the point.
Women filter life through love.
- When a man withdraws from a situation, a woman may begin to feel insecure, abandoned, and as if her husband no longer cares about her.
- Women love adjectives.
In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
—Ephesians 5:28 (ESV)
2. Listen to Each Other.
“You may think you won the battle, but you’ll lose the war.”
—Drenda Keesee
Sometimes as humans we become so consumed with being right that we forget to listen. We may win in the moment, but what we ultimately end up losing will devastate us. In the heat of the moment, it is so important to make an effort to pause and listen to each other.
In the beginning, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. When they chose to sin, they were covered in shame and started to blame each other (Genesis 3). Instead of butting heads and constantly misunderstanding each other, husbands and wives need to be able to trust that their spouses will not judge or accuse. It is important that marriage is a safe place to be vulnerable and transparent so that each person can share their heart in love.
3. Know Your Identity.
“If we recognize our identity in Christ and are complete in Him, we don’t enter marriage looking to get something from the other person.”
—Drenda Keesee
Contrary to what Hollywood portrays, we do not find our completion in having a spouse or in marriage. We are made complete in Christ. We are whole in Christ. When we approach marriage knowing who we are, we are able to grow together with our spouse in agape love. This is God’s kind of love, the ability to love despite flaws and choosing to see the other person the way he does.
“Will you trust God to help you? It takes courage.”
—Gary Keesee
Filled with constant anxiety, Sierra lived her life in fear. Her fear hindered the joy of those around her. Her husband, Adam, struggled with the lies of not being good enough to provide for his wife. She had lost her joy, and he was in need of validation. It was a slow fade that took place, which allowed Satan to come in and cause destruction in their marriage. Being reminded of who they were in Christ, they choose to trust God and push past fear. In the process, God redeemed their marriage and restored the joy. Listen as Sierra and Adam transparently share their story: https://www.faithlifechurch.org/adam-and-siera-long
4. Submission
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
—Ephesians 5:22-23 (ESV)
Usually, when one uses this verse, they may use it to justify why the wife has to
serve the husband. This view is a misinterpretation of the verse.
What is submission? It is to come under
loving protection. Wives are called to come under the loving protection of their husbands in the same manner that the church comes under the loving protection of Christ.
Keep the Marriage Alive!
There are seasons of life and seasons of marriage. Internal and external pressures in life bring out the worst in us, but there is hope.
Time is a priority!
It is important to be intentional in your marriage and to take time to let your love mature. Study your marriage and get to know one another—again. Are you doing what you did when you first met? Have weekly date nights with each other, and invest in each other. Create a vision in your marriage; hold each other accountable.
What you know about marriage is based on what you witnessed and experienced as a child. You are going to disappoint each other; that’s why you must renew your minds and build the foundation of your marriage on the Word of God. In your marriage, confess your sins to one another, forgive, and be healed. Break the patterns of strife. You are on the same team; finish the race together! Marriage is your answer, not the problem.
